Sometimes you want to laugh, sometimes you want to cry, but when you are a
horror fan the most important thing is that someone always has to die! Luckily for
us, there are a lot of great horror films that play with the elements of other genres -
comedy, drama, romance, thriller, sci-fi and even the family film genre.
You’re stuck on that last one aren’t you? Wondering what films I could possibly be
talking about? Well, we will let it linger for a bit and compare notes later. Let’s just
focus on one genre at a time.
The following list is for you hopeless romantic horror fans looking for the perfect
date flick. Just make sure it’s not a first date… I guess if she’s an awesome chick then
it won’t matter, but let’s face it – we’re a rare breed.
TOP TEN ROMANTIC HORROR FILMS (in no particular order)
DANCE OF THE DEAD (2008)
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Okay I lied. There is so a particular order as I particularly placed this film first. It’s
a personal fave of mine. Every teen girl dreams about their high school prom, or
pretends not to in order to seem cool. What could be more romantic? Well to this
former teen girl the answer would be ZOMBIE PROM.
If this movie were around when I was a teenager I would have based my entire
prom experience around it. The flowing dress ripped at the bottom to expose my
badass combat boots. No ridiculous corsages, instead I would have fashioned a ninja
star launcher that shoots from my wrist when I make a fist. Well that last part isn’t
really in the movie but look how inspired I am! Basically this film has everything you
could ask for – Zombies launching out of graves and giving chase, bad ass nerds and
brave cheerleaders, actual guitar heroes, insane teachers, violence, blood, guts, and
gore, but most importantly LOVE.
Most teenage boys don’t want to go to prom anyway, so why bother going when
there’s a good chance your fellow classmates are undead and waiting to devour your
face? Why, to save your high school sweetheart of course! Actually, the sweetheart
was busy making out with some other dude at the cemetery, but hey, there are more
important things going on! No sense in dwelling on who did what. Instead they all
work together and set out to save the prom! Plus two zombies totally make out
hardcore.
It’s campy, it’s fun, it’s my romantic number one. <3
[Ali]
ZOMBIE HONEYMOON (2004)
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Life after prom. You were warned, but you went and married your high school
sweetheart anyway and now you will never get to experience life on your own
and grow and become your own person. You might as well be dead. There I go
expressing my feelings toward people who have been together since high school.
Really doesn’t have anything to do with this review…
So this isn’t actually a sequel to DANCE OF THE DEAD, but it is the next logical step in
the romantic timeline. But really? Zombies getting married? Talk about your white
wedding. Actually in this film the characters are very much alive on their wedding
day, and like at most weddings, they promise to love honor and cherish till death do
they part. While that’s a great theory and probably true of most marriages, in this
case – not so much. I don’t want to reveal too much but basically this film shows
just how strong the bonds of love can be. Not as strong as zombie venom, but strong
enough protect, provide, and to stand by the lump of rotting flesh you married while
it tries very hard not to rip the limbs from your body shove the warm bloody flesh
into it’s gaping face-hole.
Seriously though, there is a very touching reason that this film was made. So even
if it’s not your cup of tea, it means a whole hell of a lot to the writer and his sister. Definitely check it out.
Side note: Yes zombie venom. What else would you call it?
[Ali]
LET THE RIGHT ONE IN (2008)
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What else is there to say? It’s right there in the title!
Okay so there are several reasons why this is a great romantic horror, but it’s also
just fantastic over all. Let me start by saying that women love a beautiful fluffy
snowfall. This film is full of gorgeous evening snow shots that make you want to curl
up next to someone and get all warm and cozy. So you’re cuddling right? 'Cause the
next thing you know blood is flying across the screen and splattering over the earth’s
white blanket causing your lady love to grip tighter and pull closer… unless she’s
like me in which case blood hitting snow is the most beautiful thing she has ever
seen and she is now perched on the edge of her seat becoming one with the film, and
you, my friend, no longer exist.
Anyway… maybe romance isn’t the best way to describe it as the characters are only12 years old, but the bond between them and the things they are willing to do for
each other go beyond the borders of a regular friendship and quite possibly display
a basic idea of romance that most women never experience. And guys, who wouldn’t
want their woman to revenge kill for them? Seriously.
[Ali]
AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON (1981)
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So Rick Baker is super hot. As someone with a background in special effects make-
up you best believe that he was, and always will be, my career crush - if there is such
a thing. (Speaking of THE THING, Rob Bottin is a close second. Noting their similar
appearances at the time, it seems I grew up in the wrong decade). There is just
something about the relationship of the make-up artist and his/her work that is, in a
way, romantic. Maybe it’s the use of ones hands to create life, or maybe it’s just me.
The wolf, its transitions, and Jack’s decaying corpse are so perfect and gorgeous how
could you not fall in love?
Make-up aside, this film becomes romantic when David awakes in the hospital and
is put in the care of Nurse Price. They fall in love, naughty montage, yadda, yadda,
yadda, and now he must battle his inner wolf to protect her and the rest of London.
It really puts an interesting spin on the idea that only true love can set you free. Also,
EXCELLENT soundtrack!
Side note: I would just like to add that Kurt Russell is also super hot in John
Carpenter’s THE THING as well as James Brolin in THE AMITYVILLE HORROR. I really do
have a type. This could be a whole other list – “The Hotties of Horror”…oh yes it’s
happening.
[Ali]
MARY SHELLEY’S FRANKENSTEIN (1994)
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I would like to continue to romanticize the idea of creation and the ability to do so.
Think about how much love it must take to dedicate yourself to a craft, allowing it to
overpower and consume you.
In this film you have a man creating out of mourning and longing; a creature born of
scientific creation in search of acceptance and love; the creature’s desire to create
a companion to escape loneliness and solitude; murderous revenge; and creation
again caused by the loss of love. Hatred spawns from love and revenge spawns from
both. Maybe if they stopped spawning they would all be happier, but things aren’t
that simple and so life goes on, and on, and on…
This film is sad, creepy, dark, and damp yet still so beautiful in everything that it represents – Life. We are humans, flawed by our emotions, so we turn them off and
play God. Love is so messed up.
Side note: The make-up is fantastic and I must mention that it was cast by Priscilla
John (THE PILLARS OF THE EARTH) whom I admire and the screenplay co-written by Frank
Darabont – so the younger generation who may not have seen this film but enjoy
THE WALKING DEAD and Frank’s other work should check it out.
[Ali]
THE LOST BOYS (1987)
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“Unchain me sister, love is with your brother” Gerard McMann sings in the
opening credits. But don’t worry folks; I’m not here to engage you on a journey
of incest. Let’s save that for some V.C. Andrews fan to discover. Under a killer
soundtrack, ‘The Lost Boys’ takes us out for a romantic stroll of blood sucking, low-lit shots and Jim Morrison references.
Lucy (Diane Weist), a newly divorcee, moves her and her family to Santa Carla,
California where she is on the prrrowl! Snatching a date while at the local video
store (score!) will find this milf into a heated mess. Watch the story unfold between
her and the romance she craves while trying to juggle her finances and unruly
children.
The whole family seems to be smitten… or perhaps… bitten! Moments into the
movie we watch Lucy’s eldest son Michael (Jason Patric) lock eyes on to Star (Jami
Gertz). During this scene the only source of light is FIRE reflecting off of a beefy
saxophone rockstar; you know the rest of this story to be of true love.
My favourite love story in this vamp classic is that of the youngest son Sam (Corey
Haim, R.I.P.). His love for comics bring us back to a time of childlike wonder and
love for the unknown. Sam and the crew he meets (starring the other Corey)
passionately try to out the head vamp applying skills they had only read in the
comics.
If you don’t care for these characters, you will be indulged by the vampires.
Sexy vampire David (Keifer Sutherland) with the rest of the lost boys on their
motorcycles had teens rippin’ their shirts off in the 80’s (things Ali and I had only
wished for if we grew up in that decade). The vamp boys frolic about such as ‘the
lost boys’ did in Peter Pan, expressing their freedom and showcasing their bad boy
image.
Watching the life-to-vamp changing of Michael and his love lust for Star keeps our
arms and legs inside this ride (or with your partner). Joel Shumacher successfully
delivers a suspenseful, eerie and romantic affair.
Do not suggest: TWILIGHT: not enough low-lit shots or sunny days in Cali; lack of
eye locking cut in between a shot of an over-tanned ‘roids induced sax player; too
many sparkles.
[Ames]
HIGH TENSION/HAUT TENSION (2003)
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First of all, it’s French. So it already sounds so much sexier than every other movie.
Okay so maybe we gain a point for sounding sexy, but we lose one for making you
have to read subtitles… back to zero.
How about this – Girl love. We’ve talked about the romances between men and
women but now we get to see what romance is like between women and women. It’s
not warm, and gentle and soft-core. It’s brutal, and violent and filled with such rage!
If you haven’t seen it I wont give anything away, well other than the lesbianism.
Marie is in love with Alex, we knew it from the moment we saw them together
and if you didn’t it’s because you don’t watch enough movies because you are a
pretentious jerk who thinks you are better than everyone else! Anyway, after Alex’s
family is murdered in the middle of the night, Marie tries to protect her and escape
only to come up against the villain several times. There is so much blood and it is
stunning, in both ways the word stunning can be interpreted.
Moral of the story – Ladies, beware of your best friend harboring an all consuming
love for you, it may cause you to be stalked by a maniac! This is the kind of situation
I have been anticipating for years with Ames. It hasn’t happened yet, but fingers
crossed!
[Ali]
DRACULA (1992)
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Not only the best vampyre love story but the ultimate love story of our time is that
of Dracula. Set in Victorian era England, I finally have a reason to use this spelling
of “vampyre”. A novel written through a series of letters by Bram Stoker, director
Francis Ford Coppola paints us an image of splendid sets, gorgeous garments and
colourful characters.
Despite the hilarity of Keanu Reeves saying he is “impotent with fear” ¾ of the
movie; I swear this is the best love-horror story. And yeah right Keanu, you spent
your whole time “paralyzed” in the castle having orgies with Dracula’s glorious
whores. I’m sure you were all but impotent. Sorry, I mean, Jonothan Harker, the
lawyer Keanu plays.
Moving on…
A time before computers and texting ruined our love lives, we had to
long for our loved ones. Dracula waited for centuries. How many men can say that?
Not too many. Power of love? I think so. His slaying of many Turks during his human
years isn’t going to turn this guy into a sensitive sally. The feasting of blood to keep
alive is pure sustenance. Vlad will get his Willhelmina back if it’s the last thing to do.
We quickly see that the point of this story isn’t about vampyrism, it is about love.
This is successfully shown through a series of mood and wardrobe changes for Gary
Oldman.
The main two lasses are Mina (Winona Ryder) and Lucy (Sadie Frost). They’re
pretty good friends: pretty, pretty, pretty good friends. WIN. They totally share a
spontaneous lusting kiss - as any best friend duo would dressed in beautiful
Victorian garb, running and dancing amongst a maze of hedges in the rain.
Mina: Breathtaking in every scene. She longs for her lover who is stuck in
Transylvania impotent with fear, yet she is smitten by Dracula himself, experiencing
insatiable urges towards him. What’s a gal to do!?
Lucy: If you want another image like that to ROSEMARY'S BABY in which a beastlike
figure is on top of a broad, you might find a moment of that in this flick. Also, she
bares her tits in every scene.
Prof. Van Helsing (the one and only Anthony Hopkins) grows a passion for justice
against the spreading of this wretched vampyrism. This conflicts with the viewers as
we already have compassion for Dracula… and we want to see his whores again.
This could be my favourite work of Gary Oldman. He glorifies the personification of,
and inhabits every emotion that is, Dracula. Through a series of make-up, costume,
clouds, fogs and mirrors, this also helps his point.
If you haven’t seen this yet, please find this flick. Don’t let “1992” deter you. It beats
out most current vamp films. It is wonderfully created visually set under a dramatic
score with theatre-like acting from an all-star cast.
Also suggests: BLACULA.
[Ames]
MAY (2002)
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So this film actually has all of the above…well except vampires and zombies. There’s
men and women, women and women, awkward teenage-like interactions with the
opposite sex, and body parts being sewn together to create the perfect companion.
Youre typical Satuday night ;)
It’s the story of what Ames’ life would have been if the scale had tipped the other
way, but to our disappointment, Ames opted for sanity. Ya can’t win ‘em all! May
on the other hand, not so good with the sanity. Feeling like a freak most of her life,
things take a turn when she is given the ability to hide her visible flaws. Finally she
gets a chance to appear normal, but the thing is, changes on the outside don’t change
who you are on the inside. Poor May. Every lover she takes on is able to see through
the awkward, harmless exterior to her frightening, unstable interior, and so she is
forced to turn the tables and expose their interiors right back! It really hurts to like
someone when they don’t like you back, she wants you to feel her pain.
Failed taglines aside, this film also stars Anna Faris, whom Ames and I both adore.
[Ali]
BUIO OMEGA (1979)
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I had made several lists for this topic and narrowed it down to 10. In doing so I
completely changed my mind on many of the choices. This left one space open. Ames
and I shot off ideas back and forth, things like CLOVERFIELD, UNDERWORLD, VALENTINE,
MY BLOODY VALENTINE, etc… But these films just don’t feel enough like horror to me. I
understand that to some, a lot of our choices may be borderline, but we are happy
with them. So I racked my brain to think of a really epic, gory, disgusting film that is
no doubt horror and keeps within our theme of romance. Well here it is!
BUIO OMEGA is an Italian film from the 70’s. The versions you can find here are
dubbed over with English and can fall under alternate titles such as BEYOND THE DARKNESS, THE FINAL DARKNESS, and BLUE HOLOCAUST.
I saw this film for the first time at a friend’s birthday party when I was a mere 14
years old. I don’t know why we were allowed to rent this but we did and it was
probably the most wretched thing that any of us had ever seen, and I LOVED it.
Some of the girls didn’t stomach it too well, probably had something to do with
the fact that we were watching a dude ring out the slop and juices from a woman’s
intestine whilst we ate heaping piles of birthday cake. I have not been able to find
this film since, but when I do – viewing party with heaping piles of cake!
So this dude lost his mother when he was young and this nasty housemaid looked
after him. Then he falls in love with a young woman and the housemaid does not
like sharing his attention and takes her out. Devastated, the dude digs up his fiancé,
drains her body and stuffs it so she will always be with him. Now he’s already a little
unstable so why not go full tilt? He starts picking up random women, and when
he realizes they are no replacement for his lost love, he butchers them too. The
taxidermy element is awesomely disturbing. Of course this is insanely romantic, I threaten to do it to Matthew T. all the time! If he kicks the bucket you best believe
he will be stuffed and preserved and sitting permanently on the couch so that I can
throw on this film as I cuddle with his lifeless body.
Side note: Matthew T. has actually seen this film! I don’t know anyone else who has.
We are so meant to be! * sigh *
[Ali]
So there you have it! If you haven’t noticed, these comments are very personal and
what we find romantic may not appeal to everyone. But if this article gives even
one person a new reason to check out one of these films then we have done our (un-paid) job. Would that be considered a duty? Yes it was our duty! Offering you a different and slightly female perspective.
Tune in next time for…something else, we just haven’t decided yet cause we are women.
Ali & Ames
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